When our son entered middle school, the clothing wars began. Attending a private school, we were fortunate not to have the “what am I going to wear today” battles – it was all uniform, baby! But, when he hit middle school, and the social calendar began to get booked, the importance of his “weekend clothes” became the center of our world. When he announced that he wanted to wear the baggy jeans, I immediately said, “NO WAY!”. I absolutely hate that look! There is nothing attractive about guys walking around holding their pants up with one hand – but, making sure that they can still be falling off just enough for everyone to see that they are wearing lime green boxer shorts with hot pink skulls on them!
After a few days of arguing about the baggy jeans – God began to show me some things. First, what was bothering me the most was not just the fact that this look was so stinkin’ sloppy – it was more that I did not want my son to be associated with “the type of people who dress this way”. I was scared. What would people think? What if he got involved in drugs, alcohol…hanging with the wrong kids? Admit it, we all assume that if a person dresses a certain way – they must act (or think) that way. How many times have we walked down the street and judged someone because of the way they are dressed….especially teenagers! We wonder what kind of parents would dare let their child out of the house dressed like that!
Later that week, we decided to “pick our battle”. We sat our son down and told him that we would allow him to get a pair of those baggy jeans AND wear them….but, there were 2 rules. First, he could not wear them so baggy that we were able to see his underwear. No exceptions! Second, the moment that the character and core being of who he is in Christ began to change….game over! Period.
Let me tell you what I learned. The entire time my son wanted to wear those baggy jeans – his personality and character never changed. He was the same kid he was when he was wearing his school uniform. The fad passed (thank you, Jesus!). Of course, there were other battles just on the horizon. We began to apply the concept of “as long as it does not change the character and core being of who you are in Christ” to everything. It made it much easier for us to allow Chase the freedom to begin to express himself, and was a reminder to him the importance of remaining true to himself and to God.
We learned that when we chose to pick our battles , we had more energy to fight the battles that really matter! Those battles that begin to comprise our children’s character and core being of who they are in Christ! Those are the battles we need to be fighting!
After a few days of arguing about the baggy jeans – God began to show me some things. First, what was bothering me the most was not just the fact that this look was so stinkin’ sloppy – it was more that I did not want my son to be associated with “the type of people who dress this way”. I was scared. What would people think? What if he got involved in drugs, alcohol…hanging with the wrong kids? Admit it, we all assume that if a person dresses a certain way – they must act (or think) that way. How many times have we walked down the street and judged someone because of the way they are dressed….especially teenagers! We wonder what kind of parents would dare let their child out of the house dressed like that!
Later that week, we decided to “pick our battle”. We sat our son down and told him that we would allow him to get a pair of those baggy jeans AND wear them….but, there were 2 rules. First, he could not wear them so baggy that we were able to see his underwear. No exceptions! Second, the moment that the character and core being of who he is in Christ began to change….game over! Period.
Let me tell you what I learned. The entire time my son wanted to wear those baggy jeans – his personality and character never changed. He was the same kid he was when he was wearing his school uniform. The fad passed (thank you, Jesus!). Of course, there were other battles just on the horizon. We began to apply the concept of “as long as it does not change the character and core being of who you are in Christ” to everything. It made it much easier for us to allow Chase the freedom to begin to express himself, and was a reminder to him the importance of remaining true to himself and to God.
We learned that when we chose to pick our battles , we had more energy to fight the battles that really matter! Those battles that begin to comprise our children’s character and core being of who they are in Christ! Those are the battles we need to be fighting!
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1 Comments:
this is good to remember for when moriah hits the teen years. thank God they're still 10 years away!
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